


the camel's back

by thewordweaver



Series: break & repair [1]
Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: M/M, Mild Language, Self-Harm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-19
Updated: 2016-10-19
Packaged: 2018-08-23 11:27:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,399
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8326045
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thewordweaver/pseuds/thewordweaver
Summary: When all is said and done, there's no number more than one.





	

**Author's Note:**

> hiya hello just reposting things that I had deleted from my old old very old asianfanfics account lmao  
> I am very much not really in the kpop scene anymore so these are just here for the sake of being here
> 
> date originally posted on aff.com: late 2012
> 
>  
> 
> [personal twitter](http://www.twitter.com/lesimperatrices)  
> 

## it’s the straw that broke the camel’s back

 

Kisses. Touches. Sweet nothings.

He awaits the palpitations that should have appeared minutes ago.

Instead he receives discomfort and a hint of irritation.

It has been two months since Jongin and Sehun officially established their relationship. Two months since Sehun has realized that this relationship is not what he wants.

Two months too late to go back.

Knowing Jongin will not stop until he wakes up, he sighs, slapping away the hand that begins to stray. "I think it's best if we get up now, don't you?" He shakes his head with a roll of his eyes as he sits up, his back facing him.

"Why don't we—"

"No."

He glances over his shoulder to see Jongin's smile falter before turning into an expression of confusion.

"We've kept it a secret this long. Let's not chance it, you know? Maybe tonight," he reasons, offering a smile.

In truth, he just does not want to.

"I'll go first. Don't come out too soon but don't wait too long either."

As he stands up, he feels a hand encircle his wrist. The pull tells him what comes next and he braces himself. After the kiss, he pats his chest with another smile, more forced than the one before it. He grabs some clothes from his drawer, finally leaving the room.

He takes a deep breath as he leans against the door, exhaling heavily when he peels himself away. On the way to the bathroom, he combs his fingers through his hair in thought. The longer he kept this up, the worse it would become. ' _So why can't I just end it?_ '

The question is rhetorical. He reminds himself of how much happier Jongin has been ever since they had gotten together. The change is so grand that the other members take notice as well, teasing as boys do, asking if there was a girl in his life that he had not told them about.

The dichotomy of their responses to their relationship is painfully hilarious to him.

Emerging washed and fresh, he heads to the front door, deciding bubble tea is a fantastic idea right now. During his trek through the living room, he recognizes the head of hair behind the couch, remembering that the other faction would be staying in South Korea for some time.

"Good morning, Luhan."

"'Morning," he replies, eyes never leaving the television screen.

The clipped acknowledgement is no longer a surprise to him these days. Luhan had managed to find out about their secret affair through a slip-up (caused by Jongin, no less) and it seemed he chose to express his disapproval by ignoring Sehun as much as humanly possible. It had been more than reason enough to convince him that Jongin was really the only person that wanted him anymore.

Thus further reinforcing the idea that he cannot leave him.

His follow-up reply to try to mend their friendship by asking Luhan to join him dies in his throat when he parts his lips to speak, shaking his head instead as he steps through the door.

And as he sits alone in the cafe, he wonders how much longer he will have to be miserable.

* * *

They stand a little too close, laugh a little too loudly, and whisper a little too much to each other.

He glowers at them from where he stands in the practice studio, but of course, they heed no mind. Watching Jongin and Kyungsoo interact like this gets a rise out of him, but the current situation tells him that expression his disapproval now would be an incredibly poor choice. They touch and his nostrils flare in anger when he exhales, fuming quietly.

Suho senses this aura and warily (wisely) takes a step away, saying nothing.

He is jealous and he cannot figure out why.

When they return to the dorm, Sehun just about explodes when they are in his room.

"What the hell was that!?"

"Sehun, not again..."

" _Shut the fuck up_! If you knew I would act like this, why the fuck did you continue!? Dammit, Jongin, you know and you do it anyway! Is he the one you want to fuck instead!? Is that it!?"

"What is it with you? You become jealous over the smallest things! I can't even say one word to the others without you becoming so fucking suspicious and accusing me of anything and everything!  _You don't own me, Oh Sehun_!"

He takes that moment to leave, slamming the door shut behind him.

He has echoed his previous thoughts. Though he had not been very fond of his affections, here he was at boiling point, upset because he wanted him around no one else.

The emotional turmoil is too much to bear. In his frustration, he retreats to his drawer, pushing aside the clothes and reaching for the cool piece of metal he keeps hidden there. He finds consolation in the way the blade breaks porcelain skin, red blooming in its wake. The stinging is enough to get his mind off of the fight, if only temporarily.

And that is all everything ever had been for him.

He peeks outside of his room door before scurrying off to the bathroom.

He rinses the washcloth, his eyes following the swirl of sanguine as it disappears down the drain.

He glances at himself in the mirror, sees the fresh, angry crimson lines that contrast his pail complexion, and begins to trace them lightly. He prays he does not have to have a shirtless photoshoot anytime soon.

He returns quickly to his room, staying shirtless because the fabric is abrasive to wounds. He crawls under his covers, sighing as he stares at the wall next to him. Sleep is not on his side tonight.

After about fifteen minutes of detailing the texture of the wall, he hears the door open. He does not have to look to know who it is shifting his weight on the bed and joining him under the covers. His body is still, even when he feels wide palms splay themselves on his chest. They do the same thing he had done earlier in the bathroom, though slower.

"I shouldn't have yelled back at you like that. I'm sorry." He resists the urge to pull away when a kiss is placed on the back of his neck. "Don't do this to yourself anymore. Please."

The comfort he should have felt is replaced with disgust. But not for Jongin.

For himself.

* * *

On a rare day off, nearly all of the members had decided to leave the dorm. Ever since the debut, time they had for themselves had been scarce, if any at all.

Sehun had been out and about, using his time to take a stroll around the city. As he passes by a park, he figures that spending the day with Jongin would not be so bad, seeing as his first choice probably would not answer his phone call.

Surprisingly, after he dials his number, his second choice does not answer.

His brow furrows in confusion. ' _Maybe he's still sleeping._ ' But part of him does not want to give him the benefit of the doubt.

He walks back to the dorm, stepping in quietly and swearing under his breath as he almost trips while taking off his shoes. On the way to his room, where he had left him, he catches movement in the kitchen, nearly missing it because of the walls that had blocked his vision. Curious, he makes a detour to see who had decided to stay.

He is almost floored from what he sees, his hand against the wall to steady himself, supporting the legs that had threatened to give out.

Jongin has Kyungsoo cornered between himself and the counter, lips pressed against his outstretched neck. When the latter opens his eyes, he tenses, quick to push him off. The former looks down at him, puzzled for a moment before turning to peer in the same direction.

Their eyes lock and his mouth starts to move, but Sehun cuts him off before he manages to vocalize anything.

"I don't want to hear it."

He takes a few steps backward before the stare is broken with the shake of his head and the turn on his heels.

As he steps through the door, he hopes that the bubble tea is not bitter today.


End file.
